Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
