I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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