Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
