i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
