i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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