Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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