Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
