ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
