I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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