My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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