Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
