If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
