Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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