I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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