may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
