I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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