i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
