Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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