Pants 0. Shit 1.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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