proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
