Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
