Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
