I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
