We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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