I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
