just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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