If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
