I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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