it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
