How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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