Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I skipped work to stalk him.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
