Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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