okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
