just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
