Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
