Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
