1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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