what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There r osticjed everywhere
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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