that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
