I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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