He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
