my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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