Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
