Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
