She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
