I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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