my vag is so smooth its legendary
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
