And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
