You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
