Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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