at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
