Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
