Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
