The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
