So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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