I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
