Moan for me like Helen Keller
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
