I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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