Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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