Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it because I queefed?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
