Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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