So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
