no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
