I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
