Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
