i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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