All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
