Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
