Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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