and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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