I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
