I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
