You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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