the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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