that's what penises do
they tell lies.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
