I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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